The movie The Godfather made famous the saying, “It’s not personal, it’s only business.” and certainly in that movie they were relating to a conflict of sorts. Ones that we probably don’t get as much involved with! However, I think we need to go back and look at that saying because it’s really not as accurate as maybe we see in our day-to-day involvement.
I would change it to something like this. It’s oftentimes personal, however, it’s usually not malicious. I think that might be a fare assessment of the conflicts that we deal with because I think that he, the Godfather, and we, are kidding ourselves if we don’t think that sometimes it is personal. But we are also kidding ourselves if we think that it is malicious and directed towards us. I know that is somewhat of a contradiction, but stay with me for a minute because I think we can really get to something very important when it comes to conflict resolution in this session.
First of all, it is personal or it wouldn’t be directed towards us at times…at times. But it is not personal to the extent that we should let it get to us so deeply because mixed in with that personal affront if you will when a conflict comes up, is the fact that it is usually directed from somewhere else to us and it’s usually not malicious intent. It’s usually a frustration or a venting coming out and not a malicious act towards us. I’m sure you are picking up that I am using the word “usually” because in fact there are times when what I am saying is not accurate but I believe that there are many times when I am saying is accurate.
So, what we can do to diffuse and resolve some of these conflicts is try our best to stop in time. You see what happens when the conflict comes up our emotions, all of them for us and the other individual, raise to a very high level and that completely clouds our ability to see it for what it is. Sometimes a misguided personal-type affront which, is usually not malicious but involves some other frustration going on with the other person. Now if we can sort that out as we resolve the conflict in our own minds we can go a long way towards settling these things.
Now I know I just said a mouthful but our conflicts are sometime a mouthful that enable us or give us the need to really step back and swallow it a little bit at a time. Without trying to swallow the entire thing, which would be difficult for us to do. Now, I think even more so here we need to look to our leaders, the dogs.
First of all, with them nothing is ever personal, it really isn’t. It comes down to what they might be dealing with at that particular moment, the dogs that might be there and then a situation comes up, it raises a little bit of emotion, then it is dealt with and put away. Why, because they don’t bring an ego to the table, do they? We do, though, enabling us to take these conflicts and say that it was personal to me, it was malicious! But maybe not. Maybe it was a little bit personal but maybe it wasn’t so malicious as you seem it to be.
Now, I want to go out on a limb here and say that how many conflicts that come for us in a week’s time, let’s say 10. How many of them after acknowledging what we just spoke about in terms of all that goes in to the potential rising of emotions, how many can we let go? Well, I have to tell you I did a little experiment and I looked at again the dogs and see how they did things and compared them to how I was handling matters.
I just did it in the recent week in my life. In the conflicts that came up, out of 10, I could have easily let 9 of them go, maybe 9 ½. I didn’t and what happened, well, a few of them got out of hand. My emotions got out of hand. Who won? Nobody won. With the letting them go, which I easily could have done in many of them, this would have been easily taken care of. So I urge you to try and digest what we just spoke about, it’s a lot, I freely admit that. Try to see these conflicts for what they are. Sometimes they seem to be somewhat personal, but many times when we look at them carefully and take that moment to step aside, they really aren’t as malicious as we think.
So take a look at the dogs in your life hopefully there are some that are close by, see how they are handling these things and what could be going through their minds, removing the ego and see if you can copy it. You will go a long way towards a more peaceful and spiritual presence about yourself. Trust me!
Now, for some actions items. I’d like you to find something in the day coming up that you can easily let go. I’ll give you some that may come up – a driver who wasn’t exactly courteous to you. Well, maybe that one is a little personal, it’s certainly not malicious. It’s certainly somebody thinking of something that they shouldn’t be thinking of at that moment. But see if you could let it go. See if you could totally let it go.
Then, try the second one, then the third one. Evaluate each one, make a few notes, and see if you are seeing them as we saw them together today. Most importantly, remove your ego and see if they could be released. Released in to a place where you will never see them again. Chances are your will never see some of the individuals again that are raising these conflicts which is a whole other matter. You will find that in that release you will breathe in and take in an incredible amount of more peace in your life.
Well I think we covered enough for today. I trust that you will attempt, as I will, to grow in this all-important area. I wish you the best. As always, I welcome your comments and thoughts, but even more so, I welcome the peace that will come in to your life.
TAKE NOBLE ACTION
- Find a situation in the coming day where you can “let it go” instead of making it a “conflict”. Then try another
- Make notes, do you handle yourself differently.
- Leave your ego behind!