Here in our home we like to say that Shelby, our pit bull is “perfect in every way” – she is the perfect in every way pit bull. Of course, that’s really not true is it? Although she is close to perfect as anyone we know which is why we love to say it about her. Why then, do we consistently look for perfection in others? Especially when a conflict comes up. That in fact really feeds into our lack of ability to resolve conflicts because we look and we say, “that shouldn’t be happening”, or “that person shouldn’t be doing that”. We are looking for perfection in everyone when it comes to situations that arise that are contentious – especially in those situations.
I will tell you that once we drop this idea that we are perfect, because perfection is something we are only dreaming of, my friends, it will go a least a good distance towards helping us resolve these conflicts in addition to everything we shared up to this point. However, with that said, I must now say that there is an area that we could all improve on. I emphasize the word “all” and that is communication. There is no such thing as too much or too perfect communication but certainly if we look at the way we are communicating today especially when we have a conflict with another we do have some room for improvement.
I had a conflict not too long ago and I will tell you that it was resolved, and the apology came to me through a text message. I texted back and said OK, no problem we are beyond on that now. However, when looking back, as we have done in previous times together, things could have been resolved differently but in fact it was resolved. But was that really the best way to resolve this in the final stages by sending a text message! Absolutely not!
I really had to sit back and think that this was certainly not effective. I will IMPLORE you and say that when a conflict arises and you can come to that place in resolving it, do it in person, take the time to do it in person. Now let’s take that a step further – when I received the text message it was up to me to say, Hey OK I got your message but let’s meet and spend at least five minutes and talk about this. I didn’t do that either.
So in any conflict as we have said in past times together there is certainly a two-sided issue going on. It’s never 100% one person’s issue or very rarely. So then why didn’t I send back and say that we really need to resolve this in person – I could’ve done that. So looking back, hindsight is always 20/20, right, this could have been dealt with even better than it was, even though it was resolved. I then say to you once again, look for that face-to-face communication. It is so important.
Now when was the last time you saw a dog communicating through text message or email or anything that is progress in some sense in our world when it comes to technology but in this sense it does set us back. Of course a dog doesn’t do that! As we’ve said in other sessions a dog doesn’t have the ability to do that. Thankfully for that! Because now they have the ability to teach us! They have that look about them, that voice about them and that is how the conflict is resolved that much quicker.
I can tell you because I’ve watched them. Even in those situations where there is not a conflict Shelby, who we opened this session with, has an incredible look about her. Her look is very expressive – it tells exactly what she is thinking in a very beautiful way as she does have a large amount of perfection to her.
So I think we’ve come a long way in our time together in this conflict resolution module. I know I have because as usual I find it no different than when I stand up and teach in the dojo that I really bring some awareness and improvement to my techniques. As I share these thoughts with you I know that I’ve found some issues that I need to be better at myself. Yes we are not perfect are we my friends neither is the one that may have caused you some stress in a conflict. But airing it out in person looking face to face like our dogs do will certainly go a long way in making these issues less of an impact on our life and bringing more peace and compassion in our life that we all long for.
So I urge you to take on the following actions items as we move forward. I say that what you should probably do first and foremost is to remind yourself in your daily prayers or meditation, that you are a work in progress and so is everyone else in your life. You are a work in progress and so is everyone else! Drop those perfect thoughts about others when a conflict arises. Immediately remove from your mind on how did they do this. Because that is in fact saying that they are perfect and we know that they are not just like we are not.
Consider being very open and face-to-face with communication when a conflict arises. Go see the person and ask them to do the same. I think that we fill find a great deal of progress in this important area. I know as I said, I have, and I trust we all will as well. Can we make the world a better place, we certainly can. But as it’s been said before it needs to start with our self. So as we look at this important area of conflict resolution see and appreciate, appreciate that sense of peace that you will derive from all that we talked about these past couple of weeks.
Thank you and as always, I appreciate very much you being part of this journey with me. Take care and I will see you during our next month’s topic.
TAKE NOBLE ACTION
- Neither you nor anybody else is perfect!
- You are a work in progress!
- Solve conflicts face-to-face with open communication